


Stranger Is Typing...

by Anonymous



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Anonymity, Chatting & Messaging, Cybersex, Epistolary, M/M, Omegle, kinksofcamelot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-30 06:56:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15091460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Arthur and Merlin[...], continents away from each other, are matched up on omegle and instantly rub each other the wrong way, but somehow neither wants to press Esc + Esc and leave the conversation.Bonus points if it devolves into cybersex.Bonus x2 points if it ends with them meeting up in real life and falling in love.Bonus bonus bonus!!! points if you can shoehorn reincarnation + remembering in there somehow."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arthur_pendragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arthur_pendragon/gifts).



> Time difference between Arthur and Merlin is 6 hours (Merlin is +6 hours).

**Connecting to server…**  
**You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!**  
**You both like English, football, and gay.**

**Stranger:** 21m uk  
**You:** Hello.  
**Stranger:** nice  
**Stranger:** football, huh? ;)  
**You:** England will bring it home this year. Do you play?  
**Stranger:** no, was just hoping to find some fit football players here  
**Stranger:** looks like i got lucky?  
**You:** You type like a fourteen year old. I don’t know how you expect to turn anyone on with that.  
**Stranger:** WTF  
**Stranger:** this is omegle, im not trying to wine and dine you  
**Stranger:** and jsyk, im actually studying english in uni. hence the interest in “english” :)  
**You:** An English major who only types in lower-case letters and omitted punctuation marks…?  
**Stranger:** this is a perfectly legitimate way of typing on the most informal chat room to exist, clotpole  
**Stranger:** you’re not grading my thesis. i dont see what the big deal is :P  
**You:** Clotpole is not even a word. What kind of self-respecting English student are you?  
**Stranger:** languages evolve, ever heard of it?  
**Stranger:** as long as a word is understood by those intended to communicate with, it’s a legitimate word  
**You:** You are an idiot.  
**Stranger:** resorting to ad hominemm attacks. nice.  
**You:** It’s “ad hominem.” And I don’t know why I should strive for a higher caliber of arguments when I am merely chatting with you, in the “most informal chat room to exist.”  
**Stranger:** it was just a typo, dollophead. don’t get your knickers in a twist  
**You:** I am not taking your word for it, not when you type like a teenager. Despite the claim that you are “21.”  
**Stranger:** i see what it is. you’re threatened by youth. are you ancient or something?  
**You:** I’m 23.  
**Stranger:** okay  
**Stranger:** grandpa  
**Stranger:** and thanks a lot, mate. you just made me lose my boner  
**You:** I have no interest in hearing about your erection.  
**Stranger:** let me guess: london area, skated all your life on good looks and/or wealth. deep-seated insecurities but still feel incredibly entitled to everything. did i miss anything?  
**You:** I thought you were studying English, not Psychology…  
**You:** And let me guess: You haven’t updated your wardrobe since you were 16. You tend to stick to whatever’s comfortable and have no grand ambitions in life.  
**You:** Even if you did have ambitions, you’re too scared of failure to actually try anything.  
**Stranger:** wow ok  
**Stranger:** so no denials on my assessment... you’re saying i got it all right?  
**Stranger:** and are you projecting?  
**You:** You were wrong on all accounts.  
**You:** And of course not, idiot. Unlike you, I did not peak at 16.  
**Stranger:** uuugh, if only i had some emoticons here so i can effectively rolls my eyes at you  
**Stranger:** and a virtual hand so i can pull that stick out your arse  
**Stranger:** i would make a dirty joke here but i think even my cyber dick is scared of you  
**You:** Grow up.  
**Stranger:** nevermind, it’s not a stick up your arse, it  
**Stranger:** it’s a goddamn tree  
**Stranger:** ok mate, if you’re just going to scoff at everything, why are you even on omegle?  
**You:** Fairly obvious. I’m here to talk about my “interests” with strangers.  
**Stranger:** people have friends for that  
**Stranger:** Mate, you still there?  
**Stranger:** Did I hit a sore spot or something?  
**Stranger:** Look. I’m even typing in a standardized manner for your viewing pleasure.  
**You:** Relax. I just had to answer a quick phone call. I didn’t think you would still be here.  
**Stranger:** Oh, good. You do have friends. I don’t feel as guilty now.  
**You:** It was a phone call from work. But no guilt necessary.  
**You:** I have friends.  
**Stranger:** Okay. Sure.  
**Stranger:** So may I ask why you’re not discussing these interests with them?  
**You:** There are some interests I would rather not discuss with my friends.  
**Stranger:** Football… Why wouldn’t you be able to discuss that with them?  
**You:** You really are an idiot.  
**Stranger:** Ohh.  
**Stranger:** Kinky.  
**Stranger:** What other stuff have you got listed there?  
**You:** None of your business.  
**Stranger:** Come on. I bet it’s something good if you can’t even mention it to your friends.  
**Stranger:** Plus, uptight guys like you always have the hottest kinks ;)  
**You:** One of them is definitely not your beloved emoticons, so if you could refrain from using them, I would appreciate it.  
**Stranger:** Haha, you are so posh!  
**Stranger:** Come on, who am I going to tell? I don’t even know your identity.  
**You:** You don’t need to know. And you not knowing my identity makes it even less relevant for you to know.  
**Stranger:** I’m taking the spot of another stranger who could have the same kink as you. This is the least I can do to make up for it.  
**Stranger:** See, I would have put another wink at the end there, but refrained from doing so as per Your Royal Pratness’s request…  
**You:** It’s not as exciting as you think.  
**Stranger:** I tell you mine and you tell me yours?  
**Stranger:** I have cyber sex listed up there, and roleplay. Apparently those are not in your list of interests...  
**Your:** I wasn’t looking for that, but was not completely opposed to the idea.  
**Stranger:** Oh yeah?  
**Stranger is typing...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Stranger:** Come on, don’t just leave it there!  
 **Stranger:** I told you mine. Now tell me yours.  
 **You:** Fine.  
 **You:** I just listed some things that I am interested in trying in the foreseeable future.  
 **Stranger:** Go on…  
 **You:** They are sexual in nature.   
**Stranger:** I gathered as much.   
**Stranger:** Sexual interests such as..?  
 **You:** Bottoming.  
 **Stranger:** You’ve never tried bottoming before?  
 **You:** I have never slept with a man before.  
 **Stranger:** Never had the opportunity or never been interested?  
 **You:** I have been interested for a while, but I’m only now actively finding a way to do it.  
 **Stranger:** Trust me, Stranger, you’re going to LOVE it.  
 **Stranger:** So how did you think Omegle would help you out with bottoming?  
 **You:** Obviously, I was expecting to chat with others who’ve done it before.   
**You:** Maybe find something to get me excited for what I’m intending to do.  
 **Stranger:** Okay.  
 **Stranger:** Let me show you why I’m here.  
 **Stranger:** (Link.)  
 **Stranger:** Did that get you excited?   
**Stranger:** You got me hard again.  
 **You:** It’s alright  
 **Stranger:** Dropped a punctuation there. Got you flustered? ;)  
 **Stranger:** I’m just messing with you, mate.  
 **Stranger:** And, sorry, it was just habit to put that winky face there.  
 **You:** Actually, it’s fine in this context.  
 **You:** Just please don’t call it “winky face.”  
 **Stranger:** Please? I would have sent you a picture of my dick earlier, had I known it would make you this agreeable...  
 **Stranger:** I was just being cute, calling it winky face.   
**Stranger:** We can work on removing the tree up your arse now that we both know there’s something else you would rather have up there ;)  
 **You:** How about we try curing idiocy first…?  
 **Stranger:** :P  
 **Stranger:** Ever given a blowjob before?  
 **You:** No.  
 **You:** But I would like to.  
 **Stranger:** I would love to be the first in that mouth.  
 **Stranger:** Love to have posh, proud men like you on their knees for me.  
 **Stranger:** Bet you would gag on my cock.  
 **You:** Yeah.  
 **Stranger:** Ever tried having anything up your arse before?  
 **You:** Only my own fingers.  
 **Stranger:** How about fair play?  
 **You:** What do you mean?  
 **Stranger:** I showed you mine…  
 **Stranger:** Now show me yours.  
 **Stranger:** Show me what I’m working with.  
 **Stranger:** You still there? I didn’t scare you away, did I?  
 **You:** (Link.)  
 **You:** (Link.)  
 **Stranger:** Holy fuck.  
 **Stranger:** Had you shown me this before, I definitely would have been more agreeable.   
**Stranger:** Stranger, you have the sexiest arse I’ve ever seen. I’d do anything to get my hands, mouth, cock in you.  
 **Stranger:** Damn, you have a gorgeous cock too.  
 **You:** Fair play? I sent you two photos.  
 **Stranger:** Hold on.  
 **Stranger:** (Link.)  
 **Stranger:** Sent you a video.  
 **You:** It’s not just the angle in the last image. Your cock really is that big.  
 **Stranger:** You liking it?  
 **Stranger:** Stranger? Talk to me.  
 **You:** I would like to give it a try. What you said, before.  
 **Stranger:** Yeah?  
 **You:** Your cock in my mouth.   
**Stranger:** Yes, Stranger, I would love that.   
**You:** But I’m worried about taking that.  
 **Stranger:** Don’t worry, we’ll work you up first, get you ready. I’ll use my tongue. Get you comfortable.   
**Stranger:** Then my fingers.  
 **Stranger:** I have some toys we could use until you’re ready.   
**Stranger:** I’ll take care of you ;)   
**Stranger:** Would you like that?  
 **You:** Yes.  
 **Stranger:** Tell me.   
**You:** I would love it if you got me ready to take your cock.   
**Stranger is typing…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Stranger:** But you wanted to try your first blowjob. We can work on that first ;)  
 **Stranger:** How about you send me a picture of your mouth?   
**Stranger:** My imagination is not especially good, see.   
**You:** I don’t imagine your lines work on very many.   
**You:** (Link.)  
 **Stranger:** They work on you. That’s all that mtters rn  
 **You:** Matters right now…?  
 **Stranger:** Sorry, clotpole, had to type that part with one hand…   
**Stranger:** Your mouth is beyond gorgeous, Stranger.  
 **Stranger:** So glad you’re giving cocks a shot. Your mouth seriousky looks like it’s made for sucking.   
**Stranger:** *Seriously  
 **You:** Thank you.  
 **Stranger:** You know how you can thank me.  
 **You:** I’ve never done it before, but I want to try.  
 **Stranger:** I want to teach you.   
**You:** Yes.   
**Stranger:** Are you really in London?  
 **You:** I’m from London.   
**You:** But I am currently living in the U.S. to finish up my degree.   
**Stranger:** Tease. You know I’m in the UK.  
 **You:** I didn’t think I would let you until I saw your cock.  
 **Stranger:** Ahh. Fuck the Atlantic Ocean...  
 **Stranger:** How about we try something else?  
 **You:** Like what?  
 **Stranger:** I help you, you help me.   
**Stranger:** Fair?  
 **You:** Okay. What do you want me to do?  
 **Stranger:** You wearing anything?  
 **You:** Pyjamas.   
**Stranger:** ...Can you make it something sexier?  
 **You:** I’m wearing just boxer briefs.  
 **Stranger:** Ok, we can work with that.  
 **You:** I assume you want me to take them off…?  
 **Stranger:** Not yet.  
 **Stranger:** Are you in your bedroom?   
**You:** Yes.  
 **Stranger:** On the bed?   
**You:** I’m at my desk, but hold on, I can move over there.   
**Stranger:** Yes. Get comfrotable ;)  
 **Stranger:** *Comfortable  
 **You:** Okay, I’m ready.  
 **Stranger:** Lube?  
 **You:** Yes, hang on.  
 **You:** Okay, got it.  
 **Stranger:** How about we pretend that you’re a cock-hungry prince and I’m your unassuming manservant coming in to check on you tonight? ;)  
 **Stranger:** Not the usual scenario I’m into, but I think slutty prince suits you perfectly.  
 **You:** I’m not really into roleplay.  
 **Stranger:** Ok, fair.   
**Stranger:** How about we just talk about your little interest then?  
 **Stranger:** What you’d want me to do if I was in the room with you?  
 **You:** Yes.  
 **Stranger:** I’ll sit next to you on the bed.   
**Stranger:** What do you want to do first?  
 **You:** Snogging.  
 **Stranger:** Yes, I like that. Sweet.  
 **You:** I like some romance.   
**Stranger:** I’ll sweep you off your feet, baby. I’ll take care of you.  
 **Stranger:** I’ll take my time kissing you. Lick your gorgeous lips. Suck on your tongue :P  
 **You:** Yes, I’d like that.  
 **You:** (Link.)  
 **Stranger:** Fuuuck.   
**Stranger:** You have an amazing body. I want to touch you all over.  
 **You:** Yes.  
 **Stranger:** You want that?  
 **You:** Yes.  
 **Stranger:** How about you ask me nicely.  
 **You:** Please touch me.  
 **Stranger:** Of course, baby. I’ll touch you and kiss you all over.  
 **Stranger:** You have really cute nipples. Are your nipples sensitive?  
 **You:** Yes.   
**Stranger:** Hmm, they look like they are.   
**Stranger:** I could suck on them for hours.  
 **You:** Please.  
 **Stranger:** I will, baby, but I won’t spend too much time on them tonight.   
**Stranger:** Cause you’re already ready to blow, aren’t you?  
 **You:** Yes. You got me rock hard and ready.  
 **You:** Now get to it so I can come.   
**Stranger:** Impatient.  
 **Stranger:** Now I think I really will take my time.  
 **Stranger is typing...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Stranger:** How about you suck on your fingers and send me a video?  
 **Stranger:** I want to see your mouth at work.  
 **You:** (Link.)  
 **You:** If only I was sucking on your cock instead.  
 **Stranger:** Yes!   
**Stranger:** At this moment, I’d love that more than anything.  
 **Stranger:** Tell me how you’ll do it.  
 **You:** How I would like mine sucked.  
 **Stranger:** And how is that?  
 **Stranger:** Don’t be shy. Talk to me.   
**Stranger:** Tell me what you want.  
 **You:** I want to tease you first.  
 **Stranger:** How?  
 **You:** Kiss it and lick it, I guess.  
 **Stranger:** Don’t be shy. It’s ok, baby, I want that. I like that.  
 **Stranger:** I’ll let you take your time. I know you’re practically drooling over it.  
 **You:** Yes.   
**Stranger:** Yes?   
**You:** Yes, I want your cock so badly.   
**Stranger:** I hear you, baby.   
**Stranger:** I’ll sit on you, open your mouth with my cock.  
 **Stranger:** Teach you how to take it deep.  
 **You:** Please.  
 **Stranger:** I think you’ll be so good at it.  
 **You:** I’ve been practising.   
**Stranger:** Yeah?   
**You:** I ordered a dildo, it arrived last week.   
**Stranger:** And you’ve been using it?  
 **You:** Yes, just to see how far I can get it down my throat.  
 **Stranger:** (Link.)  
 **Stranger:** Do you see how you got me leaking?  
 **You:** I want to lick that up for you.   
**Stranger:** Baby.  
 **Stranger:** Shit. I need to be inside you now.   
**Stranger:** Get your bottle of lube.  
 **You:** Yes. Finally.  
 **Stranger:** How do you want me? On your back or on all fours?  
 **You:** I want to see you.  
 **Stranger:** Of course, baby.   
**Stranger:** I want to be able to kiss you too.   
**You:** Yes, please.  
 **Stranger:** On your back, then.  
 **You:** Hurry. I’ve been hard since I saw your cock.  
 **Stranger:** We have to go slow, baby, it’s your first time ;)  
 **Stranger:** Don’t worry, I’ll tell you what to do.  
 **Stranger:** Bend your knees and plant your feet on the bed.  
 **Stranger:** Put some lube around your hole and spread it around with one finger.   
**Stranger:** Slowly.  
 **Stranger:** Are you doing it?   
**You:** Yes.  
 **Stranger:** I bet you look so good.   
**You:** (Link.)  
 **Stranger:** You’re such a tease.  
 **Stranger:** Fuck. You almost got me.   
**Stranger:** I don’t want to cum until I’m inside you.  
 **You:** I want that. I want you to fill me up.  
 **Stranger:** Ever been eaten out before?  
 **You:** No.  
 **Stranger:** Will you let me do it to you?  
 **You:** Yes.  
 **Stranger:** I’ll make you feel so good, baby.  
 **You:** I can’t wait.  
 **Stranger:** Yes, one day it will be my tongue and not your finger there ;)  
 **Stranger:** Go ahead and push it inside.  
 **Stranger:** How does it feel? Talk to me.   
**You:** It’s okay.  
 **Stranger:** Yeah, you’ve been playing with yourself, haven’t you?  
 **Stranger:** One finger won’t be enough.  
 **Stranger:** Go ahead and put another one in.   
**You:** It feels better.  
 **Stranger:** Yeah? You think you can fit another one?  
 **You:** Yes.  
 **Stranger:** How is it? Talk to me.   
**You:** It feels good.  
 **You:** But like I still need something bigger.  
 **Stranger:** Fuck.   
**Stranger:** You have your dildo?  
 **You:** Yeah, hold on.   
**Stranger:** Bet I’m bigger than your dildo, but it will have to do for now.  
 **You:** I got it.   
**Stranger:** Play with your nipples for me.   
**Stranger:** God, I want to bite them off.  
 **You:** Shit.  
 **Stranger:** Talk to me, baby.  
 **You:** Yes, it feels good.  
 **You:** Please, I need it now.  
 **Stranger:** Ok, baby, I hear you. I’ll let you get me ready. Pour some in your hand and slick me up.   
**Stranger:** (Link.)   
**Stranger:** You make me feel so good, baby.  
 **You:** Your cock is so big.  
 **Stranger:** Yes. You’ll love it.  
 **Stranger:** You’re going to feel so full.  
 **You:** Yeah.  
 **You:** Put it in me now.   
**Stranger:** I’ll go in slow.   
**Stranger:** You feel me stretching you open, baby?  
 **You:** Yeah. It hurts a little, but I love it.  
 **You:** I love that you’re so big.   
**Stranger:** Go slowly, baby.  
 **Stranger:** I’ll let you take as much time as you need.  
 **You:** It’s all in. I’m ready.  
 **Stranger:** You feel amazing.  
 **Stranger:** I’m going to move now. You’re going to feel every thrust.  
 **You:** Yes, I love it.   
**Stranger:** I’ll go slow first, get you used to it.   
**You:** I’m so close already. Go faster.  
 **Stranger:** Then talk to me.  
 **Stranger:** I won’t move faster until you’re begging for it.  
 **You:** Please.  
 **You:** Fuck me harder.  
 **Stranger:** Yes. I’ll fuck you as hard as you want.   
**Stranger:** You’re so tight, baby. You feel so good.  
 **Stranger:** You feel that?  
 **Stranger:** I’m going to cum inside you.   
**Stranger:** Are you touching yourself?  
 **You:** Yes.  
 **Stranger:** Bring yourself off.  
 **Stranger:** Cum for me, baby.  
 **You:** I am not your “baby.” I am not a girl, you know.   
**Stranger:** I know you just came cause you are back to being a prat.   
**Stranger:** I’ll call you whatever you want as long as you send me a photo of your cum.  
 **Stranger:** Come on, Stranger, I’m almost there.   
**You:** (Link.)  
 **Stranger:** Fuck. I wish I was there so I could clean you up.   
**Stranger:** Want to lick you clean.   
**You:** Please.   
**You:** (Link.)  
 **Stranger:** Ah fuuuck.   
**Stranger:** Damn, Stranger. That made me cum so hard.   
**Stranger:** I’m keeping this video ;)  
 **You:** That’s fair since I am keeping yours.  
 **Stranger is typing…**


	5. Chapter 5

**Stranger:** Wouldn’t mind a repeat of that.  
 **Stranger:** Wasn’t joking either when I said you have the hottest arse I’ve ever seen.   
**You:** I had no doubts about that.  
 **Stranger:** Still confident even after I wrecked you, huh? ;)  
 **You:** I own a mirror.   
**Stranger:** Sadly, I don’t think I will be any help lessening your arrogance… I want to write sonnets about your body.  
 **You:** Looks like there will be use for your degree after all.  
 **Stranger:** Funny.  
 **Stranger:** What are you studying anyway?  
 **You:** Political Science and Economics.  
 **Stranger:** Should have guessed that from the start.  
 **Stranger:** What are you going to use it for?  
 **You:** Job? Ever heard of it?  
 **Stranger:** ...Are you like this all the time? Or just under the guise of anonymity?  
 **You:** I’m more me than I’ve ever been.  
 **Stranger:** Strangely poetic, Stranger.  
 **You:** I’m taking over the family business.   
**You:** And by business, I mean corporation.   
**Stranger:** I already knew you were from old money.  
 **You:** Clotpole.  
 **Stranger:** Hey, that’s my word!  
 **You:** Context, and all that.  
 **Stranger:** Hm.  
 **Stranger:** Weighing my options here.  
 **You:** And what do you have so far?  
 **Stranger:** I’m considering if your gorgeous body outweighs your personality to keep in touch with you.  
 **You:** You assume I want to keep talking to you.  
 **Stranger:** Why wouldn’t you? ;)  
 **You:** “;)”   
**Stranger:** I don’t know what’s up with your phobia towards emoticons.  
 **You:** (Link.)  
 **Stranger:** Wow.   
**Stranger:** Ok, I’m setting aside my pride for your gorgeous arse.   
**Stranger:** Do you have facebook?  
 **Stranger:** Instagram? Snapchat? Anything?  
 **You:** I have LinkedIn.   
**Stranger:** How are you real?  
 **Stranger:** Anything else? How about your phone number? Do you have an iPhone?  
 **You:** Yes.   
**Stranger:** We can keep chatting through iMessage?  
 **Stranger:** Come on. I can keep sending you dick pics? ;)  
 **You:** Not if you insist on calling them “dick pics.”  
 **Stranger:** Fine.   
**Stranger:** Pictures of my dick.   
**Stranger:** # You’reWelcome  
 **You:** The whole point of Omegle is to remain anonymous, and for the connection to be fleeting.  
 **Stranger:** You can trust me.   
**You:** Okay. I actually do trust you.  
 **You:** I can’t put a finger on it, but there’s something about you.  
 **Stranger:** :o  
 **You:** And already I have a feeling that I will regret this.  
 **Stranger:** I swear that will be the last for tonight.  
 **You:** “For tonight.”   
**Stranger:** Come on, allow me this one flaw.  
 **You:** I’m Arthur.   
**You:** If we are exchanging phone numbers, we should at least know each other’s names first.   
**Stranger:** Sure. I’m Merlin. Nice to meet you.  
 **You:** Arthur is my real name.   
**Stranger:** I swear to you, mate, Merlin is my real name.   
**Stranger:** I wouldn’t give you a fake name after you say something like “there’s something about you.”  
 **You:** I’m just going to put you in my address book as “Colossal idiot.”  
 **Stranger:** I’m putting you in as Major clotpole!  
 **You:** XXX XXX XXX XXXX  
 **Stranger:** XXXXXXXXXXXX  
 **You:** I got your photo.   
**You:** Flipping me off, “Merlin”?  
 **You:** Classy. I’m going to set that as your contact photo.   
**You have disconnected.**


	6. Chapter 6

**January 16th, 16:01**  
_Colossal idiot:_ You were great last night.  
_Colossal idiot:_ You were natural as a stuck up prince...  
_Colossal idiot:_ Want to again, tonight?

 **16:10**  
_Major clotpole:_ I can’t tonight. I have to proofread this essay that’s due midnight. I should have finished it last night, but somebody distracted me.  
_Major clotpole:_ After this, I’m meeting with my study group. How about tomorrow night instead?

 **16:11**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Come on, you were really into it.  
_Colossal idiot:_ And you said you never wanted to try roleplay ;)  
_Colossal idiot:_ Of course, babe. Just let me know when you’re available tomorrow night ;) 

**16:22**  
_Major clotpole:_ I have news. I’m travelling back to London. 

**16:29**  
_Colossal idiot:_ No shit? When?

 **17:03**  
_Major clotpole:_ I’ll be there April 28th. 

**17:05**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Four months. That’s not so bad… 

**17:11**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Can’t believe I’ll finally see you in person.  
_Colossal idiot:_ And your arse, of course. 

**17:12**  
_Colossal idiot:_ I might cry when we’re finally arse to face.  
_Colossal idiot:_ My cock, if possible, is even more excited. 

**17:23**  
_Major clotpole:_ Presumptuous of you to think I am letting you anywhere near my arse. 

**17:24**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Is there a reason you’re letting me know when you’re landing in the UK other than to ensure my cock will be available? 

**17:25**  
_Major clotpole:_ It’s certainly not for your inane babbling. I already get enough of that every other day.

 **17:26**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Only every other day? I’m clearly not bothering you enough...  
_Major clotpole:_ Every other day there is substance and is not babbling.

 **17:28**  
_Colossal idiot:_ You’re too sweet. You know you can’t wait to see me. YOu love me! ;)  
_Colossal idiot:_ How long will you be staying in the UK?

 **17:29**  
_Major clotpole:_ Graduating in April. I won’t have any reason to come back to the U.S. after that.

 **17:30**  
_Colossal idiot:_ And you have all the good reasons to stay here in the UK! :D

 **17:32**  
_Major clotpole:_ It looks like it, yes.

 **17:37**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Don’t think I would have let your arse leave even if you did have to go back to America, really.  
_Colossal idiot:_ Would have pinned you down with my cock indefinitely.  
_Colossal idiot:_ >:) 

**19:12**  
_Major clotpole:_ Idiotic emoticons aside… I think I would have let you.

 **19:13**  
_Colossal idiot:_ I do believe that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. 

**19:17**  
_Major clotpole:_ Don’t get excited. I’m only saying it to get to into your pants. 

**19:21**  
_Colossal idiot:_ You don’t have to romance me to get into my pants, Your Highness. You only have to say the word.

 

 **February 15th, 11:05**  
_Major clotpole:_ I just got back from the Post Office, with your Valentine’s gift. I knew you were a sap.

 **12:33**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Ah bugger, it didn’t arrive on time?

 **12:40**  
_Major clotpole:_ It’s the thought that counts.

 **12:41**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Opened it yet?  
_Major clotpole:_ I’m waiting until I get home from lecture.

 **12:43**  
_Colossal idiot:_ I can’t wait for you to open it, babe :P

 **15:00**  
_Major clotpole:_ You are lucky I opened the parcel after I got in my room. 

**15:02**  
_Colossal idiot:_ You like it?  
_Major clotpole:_ A vibrator. Really?  
_Colossal idiot:_ You’ll love it, baby ;) 

**15:04**  
_Major clotpole:_ I didn’t get you anything. 

**15:05**  
_Colossal idiot:_ If anything, it’s a gift for me. Don’t think I’m not expecting you to send me photos and videos of my gift being _well-received._

**20:05**  
_Missed calls (2) from **Colossal idiot**._

**20:08**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Your phone service got disconnected again?

 **22:17**  
_Major clotpole:_ (Video 00:02:12.)

 **22:36**  
_Colossal idiot:_ You’ll be the death of me.

**22:37**  
_**Colossal idiot** is calling..._

 

 **February 20th, 07:21**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Good morning, Arthur. Up for a shag?  
_Colossal idiot:_ (Photo.)

 **07:22**  
_Major clotpole:_ If that was a pun, Merlin, I swear…  
_Colossal idiot:_ Why do you hate everything pure and good?

 **07:24**  
_Colossal idiot:_ You have some time, don’t you?  
_Colossal idiot:_ (Photo.)

_Calling **Colossal idiot**..._


	7. Chapter 7

**March 3rd, 18:11**  
_Colossal idiot:_ (Voicemail 00:05:53.)

 **18:26**  
_Colossal idiot:_ (Voicemail 00:04:02.)

 

**March 4th, 05:05**  
_Missed calls (4) to **Colossal idiot**._

**05:16**  
_Colossal idiot:_ hanggover, u clotpole

 **05:20**  
_Major clotpole:_ I was counting on it. You deserve it for leaving me that voicemail, while I was having dinner with my sister. She heard a significant portion of it.

 **05:45**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Oh bugger.  
_Colossal idiot:_ Shit.  
_Colossal idiot:_ What did I say?

 **05:47**  
_Major clotpole:_ Nothing I ever wanted my sister to hear.

 **05:48**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Your “evil stepsister”? Why was she listening to your voicemails in the first place?

 **05:52**  
_Major clotpole:_ She happens to be my boss as well, and we were waiting for a phone call from a major partner.  
_Major clotpole:_ She wants to know how we met.

 **05:53**  
_Colossal idiot:_ ;) 

**05:55**  
_Major clotpole:_ I really should just block you.

 **05:56**  
_Major clotpole:_ Thank you, though, for the drunken declarations. 

**06:01**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Can’t tell if sarcasm, or..?

 **06:02**  
_Major clotpole:_ I also think you are a pain in the arse.  
_Major clotpole:_ But I am also glad we met. 

**06:06**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Resisting the urge to make the obvious joke from your statement in favor of this emotional moment…  
_Colossal idiot:_ If that is what I said, drunk me told no lies.

 **06:14**  
_Major clotpole:_ Next time you want to recite your sonnets, do it without the alcohol or the audience. 

**07:02**  
_Missed calls (2) from **Colossal idiot**._

**07:03**  
_Colossal idiot:_ I know you haven’t actually blocked me. Pick up the phone, you bellend.

**07:10**  
_**Colossal idiot** is calling..._

 

 **April 10th, 01:10**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Only 18 more days until you’re back in the homeland!  
_Colossal idiot:_ Can’t wait to finally see you, Your Highness ;)

 **07:21**  
_Major clotpole:_ I’m blocking you now, Merlin.

 

 **April 27th, 18:12**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Hey. I’m excited to see you.

 **18:18**  
_Major clotpole:_ Me too. 

**18:19**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Have a safe trip.

 **18:21**  
_Major clotpole:_ See you soon.


	8. Chapter 8

**April 28th, 17:42**  
_Major clotpole:_ I’m here. 

**17:44**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Sorry! I’m on may way!  
_Colossal idiot:_ *My

 **17:50**  
_Missed calls (3) to **Colossal idiot**._

**18:01**  
_Major clotpole:_ Merlin. You’re sixteen minutes late.

 **18:11**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Fuck it I’m so sorry!! Train was an hour delayed.  
_Colossal idiot:_ No signal in the tunnels.  
_Major clotpole:_ I have been waiting for thirty minutes already.

 **18:12**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Jgst gut ot myystop. Rnng u staisrs

 **18:15**  
_Major clotpole:_ I am leaving in five minutes. With or without you.

 **18:17**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Rinng fsatr as I cn  
_Colossal idiot:_ Bakser St Rt rnd cornrr.  
_Major clotpole:_ Less texting, more running.

 **18:22**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Im right round corner.

 **18:24**  
_Major clotpole:_ That’s what you texted me seven minutes ago.  
_Major clotpole:_ I do not want your cock this badly. 

**18:26**  
_Colossal idiot:_ I really am sorry! I swear I’ll make it up to you! Baker St. was longer than I remember, but I’m in the square now.

 **18:27**  
_Major clotpole:_ Maybe there is some merit to your emoticons. This describes my feelings exactly: t(-.-t)

 **18:28**  
_Colossal idiot:_ I’m so proud of you for using emoticons, and correctly at that… 

**18:29**  
_Colossal idiot:_ I’m here now.  
_Colossal idiot:_ Do you see me? I’m looking for you.

 **18:30**  
_Major clotpole:_ I’m in a black coat.  
_Colossal idiot:_ Of course you are. Along with half the blokes here.

 **18:31**  
_Major clotpole:_ And brown just stands out spectacularly?

 **18:33**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Fuck me. You are beyond gorgeous in person!  
_Major clotpole:_ I don’t see you.

**18:34**  
_Missed call (1) to **Colossal idiot**._

**18:35**  
_Major clotpole:_ Where are you…?

 **18:36**  
_Major clotpole:_ t(-.-t)  
_Major clotpole: **(...)**_

 **18:37**  
_Colossal idiot:_ Hey, clotpole. Look up.


End file.
